In the name of science

Happy Hour last Friday at Peche, lunch today at The Belmont - doing research for my upcoming birthday party!

Peche

It's where Malaga used to be so it feels familiar even though it's decorated totally different. It's now an absinthe bar and they pretty much flat out said you can't order a vodka tonic. Their drink menu is AWESOME and the closest I've seen to the mixology in NYC. If they chipped their own ice, I'd move in. Had the Pork Belly appetizer, because, well, come on! It's PORK BELLY! A little too dry on the outside for me, but was still very tasty. It came with mostarda, which I wish they had explained. I expected mustard and got fruit. Turns out it's like candied fruit in a mustard sauce and it's very, very good. Had a French 75 (gin, lemon and champagne) and an Aviation (gin, lemon, maraschino liqueur and creme de violette), both of which I'd had before, but I was letting Ace (yes, that's his real name) decide. He's a good man. Met just about everyone including the owner. Great, great place.

The Belmont

I'm sure this place looks fabulous at night, but in the daytime it's the tiniest bit worn looking. Not that I'm not holding that against her; I'm the same way. For an appetizer, I had a French 77 (St. Germaine Elderflower liqueur, lemon and champagne). It had lots of ice chips. I love ice chips. Followed it up with a Grilled Portobello and Brie Panini with basil pesto, arugula and roasted peppers and a side salad. All very yummy. Rounded it out with the Bourbon Pecan Cheesecake with raspberry and caramel sauce... sticky, gooey, almost flavorless and topped with what couldn't possible be Cool-Whip, could it?! Very disappointing. For the first time almost ever, when asked "How was it?", I replied, "Weeellll..." and she offered to get me something else. Very sweet, but no need - I don't "need" dessert at all. Then she went and took it off my bill anyway. She also called me "Darlin' " about 100 times. Something a little disconcerting about a girl half your age calling you "darlin' ". Unless I was a man. Which I am not. I drink French 77s.

I may have been comparing apples to oranges. Different times of day, didn't try the same kinds of things, different vibes to begin with. It's not fair to pick a favorite. So much for independent variables, controls and constants. I'd make a lousy scientist.

But hey, if I knew what I was doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?

Peche

208 W. 4th St.

Austin, Texas 78701

512.495.9669

http://www.pecheaustin.com/

The Belmont

305 West Sixth Street

Austin, Texas 78701

512.457.0300

http://www.thebelmontaustin.com/

I am gonna be so sick...

"Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for... bacon."

First course:

Red Headed Stranger - housemade bacon-infused Dripping Springs vodka (used to be Tito's), housemade bloody mary mix, garnished with a chunk of cheddar cheese, a pepperoncini, an olive... oh yeah, and a slice of bacon. It was quite possibly the best Bloody Mary I have ever had in my whole life. And I make a good Bloody Mary.

Second course:

Carolina Pork It - 100% Vienna beef dog, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon and deep fried, topped with grilled slaw and housemade green chile pimento cheese. I thought the slaw was cut a little too thick for hot dog application and I almost forgot it had pimento cheese on it at all, but overall an excellent hot dog by anyone's standards. It was really, really good. Don't be scared of the deep fried part... it's subtle (if anything about deep frying is subtle). I also had a side of Broccoli salad, ya know, to be healthy. It was good, but the leftovers were better. That's right, I didn't eat all of my broccoli! I had to save room for the... wait for it... bacon! Also tried the Potato Salad - it was like a baked potato all mashed up and it was awesome. And not so good left over as it turns out.

Third course:

Chocolate Covered Bacon - Hickory smoked bacon dipped in milk chocolate, sprinkled with turbinado sugar and sea salt. I love salty-sweet things! I thought it was really good, if not too heavy on the chocolate. That really shouldn't surprise you.

Fourth course (because I have no idea what's good for me):

After School Special - this is from memory because 1. the description is not on the website and B. I was on a bacon bender and can not be held responsible for my actions. Vanilla vodka, Bailey's and Godiva Chocolate liquour. It was also rimmed and sprinkled with, what I can only guess, was chile powder. I had no idea how much I inhaled as I take a sip of a drink! I choked... several times mind you... on this thing. It was yummy though once I figured out how not to look like an amatuer.

And I never did feel sick. I can handle my bacon. Just not my chocolate-chile cocktails.

Frank

4th & Colorado

Austin, Texas 78701

512.494.6916

http://hotdogscoldbeer.com/

Y? Because we like you!

We're not crazy about your hostess, but we like you!

The good outweighed the bad first impression the older hostess? manager? lady? gave us on our inaugural visit to Jack Allen's Kitchen. I only point out that she was older to differentiate her from the younger lady that took us to our table and was very nice. The older one... well, my exact words were, "She's a bitch." And I'll leave it at that.

What I won't leave is the Smashed Guacamole with pumpkin seeds, cojita cheese and house-fried chips. I'm glad avocado has the good kind of fat because I stuffed myself with it. I obviously wasn't too stuffed to also enjoy the Baja Style Fish Tacos and the Texas Gulf Blue Crab Gratin. Or the Chocolate Bombe. Or any of the three kinds of mojitos I tried.

Started by a team from Z'Tejas, in a totally redesigned building, using fresh and local ingredients, Southwest Austin is blessed to have this gem right off The Y at Oak Hill.

Just tell that lady at the front door to smile.

Jack Allen's Kitchen

7720 Highway 71 West

Austin, Texas 78735

512.852.8558

http://www.jackallenskitchen.com/index.html

$200 Pyramid

Plural of "imperium" meaning command or supreme power.

An online Medieval strategy game.

An event center in New Jersey.

A coastal town in Italy.

A goth metal band.

A cabinet maker in New England.

An overhyped Asian restaurant and sushi bar in Austin.

Things named Imperia? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!!

We had high hopes after seeing all the accolades it had received, but after the first two appetizers, we were disappointed. Oh! But those first two appetizers were soooooo good! The Imperia House Edamame served warm with Fresno chiles and lemon essence were yummy and the Buttery Edamame Potstickers were. to. die. for. For real. To die for. We'll go back for drinks and appetizers.

What we won't go back for is anything else. While the quality of the food is fine, the balance of some of the other dishes we had was waaaaay off. The Imperia Suzuke (ceviche) was so overpowered by the lime, that was all you tasted. Couldn't even tell you what fish it had it. And it was supposed to have tomatoes, cilantro and sliced Asian pears (?!), but it had almonds and golden raisins. Either way it didn't matter because you couldn't taste anything anyway. The Pablo Escolar roll did not live up to it's great name. You would assume that if the description says "blah, blah, blah rolled in tempura flakes" that all the ingredients would be ROLLED up and not have the thing you hate that you thought you could handle if it was mixed in, because come on, how much could they possibly put in it, plopped on top all grey and gross. Why does eggplant, Japanese or otherwise, even exist?! We didn't even finish it. Those were the two big misses and the dishes in between aren't worth going back for.

For the money, I'm going to Uchi. It only means "house".

Imperia Asian Dining|Sushi Bar & Lounge

310 Colorado St.

Austin, Texas 78701

512.472.6770

http://www.imperia-austin.com/

Half not good with fractions

Half Cajun. Half TexMex. Half Southern.

And yet it all adds up.

I treated the unofficial contest winner from "Bess, I hear you callin'... " (December '09) to Red's Porch today... nothing says "Congratulations!" like a meal at a place picked solely so I can blog about it.

I was intrigued by the new math of their slogan so I went for the trifecta - a dish from each genre... sorta. See the whole menu has things that are reminiscent of the three types, but they subtly blend and morph into one type. A good type. So just go with me on this.

Mexican: Goat Cheese Jalapeno Poppers hand stuffed with roasted garlic, bacon and thyme. They may have been hand stuffed, but as far as I could tell it was only with goat cheese. It came with a fun green goddess type sauce that was almost too subtle if the pepper was too spicy. Still very good for a fried cheese stuffed treat, but I'll try something else next time. (Unofficial Contest Winner* got the South Texas Traditional Enchiladas and they were just that. Rice was different, pretty sticky, I didn't taste the beans. He said you can't hide your lack of talent in a cheese enchilada so it's his litmus test. They passed.)

Cajun: Shrimp Po-Boy with friend shrimp, red onion, lettuce, tomato and Cajun tarter sauce. Oh my. This was yummy. The shrimp was that perfect crispy fried, not the too much batter fried. Everything was super fresh and I don't know what Cajun tarter sauce really is, but it was goooood. And the fries! Good lord! I try not to eat fries; white potato + frying = bad for you. But I do like to taste them... and I tasted way more than I needed to today. Crispy outside, fluffy inside and with a spicy Parmesan something something going on. Mmmmm-mmmmm!

Southern: Fried Snickers. Funnel cake battered with powdered sugar and chocolate sauce. You can't get more white-trash than that. And I won't be getting that white-trash again. Ever.

Top it off with a local 512 brew... only because I didn't see the super-happy-fun-time drink menu... and it was quite an afternoon. It could have only been better if the weather had cooperated - their upper deck is worth being mentioned in the name.

Just don't ask them to do math.

Red's Porch

3508 South Lamar

Austin, Texas 78704

512.440.REDS

http://www.redsporch.com/

* not his real name

Previously on 24...

The following takes place between 11pm and 1am.

11:01pm

Group of seven walks into Annie's for an after-show snack... and a drink. They close at midnight so all seems well, a few people at the bar, cute server, cute place.

11:17pm

Website never said when Late Night Menu kicks in, but that's what is available. Very limited, but doable, Late Night Menu with no descriptions of the food although it's all fairly self explanatory. Cocktail menu looks interesting, albeit some odd choices. The Monkey Gland?! We place our orders and open presents!

11:25pm

Receive a Glenfiddich, when we ordered a Glenlivet.

11:41pm

Start to wonder where our food is. There are only three other couples in the restaurant: one was already eating, one only drinking and the one that came in after us has received their burgers.

11:55pm

Look around and see chef putting pizzas in the oven. At 11:55pm! For the first time, server comes over and says it will just be a little longer, "the pizzas take awhile". She offers to bring out what's ready. Well, duh!

12:04am

Brings out Margarita Pizzas. Decent pizza, good crust.

12:07am

Brings out Bacon Blue Burger. Immediately ask for a to-go box as it is... time to go.

12:09am

Brings out Truffle Fries. Sprinkled with Parmesan and drizzled with truffle oil. Continuously stuff in mouth as they are delicious.

12:12am

Brings out Sausage, Fontina and Oregano Pizza. Sausage is sorta like hamburger, but a little sausagier.

12:16am

Brings out Antipasto Salads. One full hour after we'd ordered them. One. Full. Hour. Good salad, crispy lettuce, was supposed to have more than one kind of meat, but didn't... not worth the wait though. THE ONE HOUR WAIT!

12:25am

Server brings complimentary brownies to placate the situation (way, way too late), followed by muffins to take home. Brownies are just OK. Have not had said muffins yet. Order a Stella.

12:30am

Group fights over check as it's a birthday dinner. Did I mention it was a birthday dinner?!?!

12:40am

Server brings back check, that she has already rung up, with the wine on it that she forgot on the first check. Officially cancel Stella that never came.

12:47am

Over tip. Food delay not really her fault, possibly the fault of the one chef cooking one thing at a time, while she does closing prep or lean on the counter talking to him. What should not have been rewarded was her complete lack of skill in handling a bad situation. No explanation of what was a ridiculous amount of a delay on a late night menu that is supposed to be fast and easy. Brownies don't excuse bad service.

12:51am

Grab coats. Walk out.

Stay tuned for scenes from next week's episode where we decide if we'll ever go back.

Annie's Cafe & Bar

319 Congress

Austin, Texas 78701

512.472.1884

http://www.anniescafebar.com/appleannies/contact.html

La Condesa - Update

So I asked the manager what the sauce was on my Shiner beer braised short ribs and he said, "Oh, just the braising liquid", which to me, meant melted animal fat.

I then proceeded to dab it behind both ears like perfume.

La Condesa

400A West 2nd Street

Austin, Texas 78701

512.499.0300

http://www.lacondesaaustin.com/index.html

Bess, I hear you callin'...

I'll buy lunch for the first person that can name the real song from the title!

Had lunch with Cheetah. And a glass of wine. The world is full of surprises.

I have decided that the salad industry is at a standstill. I don't want to see another Wedge, I don't want to see another goat cheese and pecan on mixed greens, no more balsamic vinaigrette, you can have your Greek, your Taco and your plain Dinner. Where are the salad chefs?! Is there such a thing?! Well, we need them!

Then a simple plate of loveliness showed up. Herb Spring mix with walnuts and blueberries and a yummy vinaigrette (raspberry-basil to be exact and it's deliciously subtle). I don't even like blueberries, but the fact that they used them was exciting to me. And the good ol' walnut?! It's the king of nuts! It wasn't even on the lunch menu, but we asked for a dinner-type salad and this was the option - big enough to split. And it just may have restored my faith in salad.

I had the Mushroom Crepes, but compared to Cheetah's Chicken Pot Pie, they were boring. They weren't really - they just weren't... chicken pot pie. How we passed up the Bacon-wrapped Meatloaf, I will never know. What we didn't pass up was the Challah Bread Pudding with Chocolate Ganache. You had Cheetah at Ganache. And I just like saying pudding.

Super cute server, but she was a tad weak at the end (didn't clear bread basket and/or bread plates before dessert... or at all... and I had to ask for a refill on coffee), I still tipped well (which is fodder for a whole post in and of itself). Anyway, not the end of the world.

What will be the end of the world is if no one can name the song in the title.

BESS Bistro on Pecan

500 West 6th Street

Austin, Texas 78701

512.477.BESS (2377)

http://www.bessbistro.com/

The Highball

There's a new place down south to wet your whistle. And eat. And sing karaoke. And bowl.

The Highball: I've been twice now - once for a drink and once to bowl...and drink. The Heirloom, The 10 Pin and The Glacier are just a few of the interesting choices. All very good, but I gotta tell ya, I'm cravin' another Heirloom. It's like gazpacho in a glass. Be sure and ask for Alyssa at the bar!

Bowling was fun, the lanes are super cool and the personal ball service is a nice touch. It was alittle warm last night though and they didn't turn on any music until after 6 (we'd been there since 4:30). It's old fashioned-pencil and paper scoring... "I was told there would be no math"! We didn't brave the karaoke rooms - although they are the private kind for those shy extroverts. If there is such a thing.

The onion rings with house-made ketchup were yummy and I thought the BLT Chicken Salad Finger Sandwiches were good - very different - but The Hubby didn't think so. I'm looking forward to trying the entrees. And the rest of the cocktails!

Definitely worth a looky-loo! And I double-dog dare you not to make any Big Lebowski references. It took everything I had not to say, "This is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules!" Aw, dang! I just said it!

The Highball

1142 South Lamar Blvd.

Austin, Texas 78704

512.383.8309

http://www.thehighball.com/

If I Had the Strength of Ulysses

Come, worthy Greek ! Ulysses, come, Possess those shores with me ! The winds and seas are troublesome, And here we may be free ! Here we may sit and view their toil That travail in the deep, And joy the day in mirth the while, And spend the night in sleep.

-"Ulysses and the Siren", Samuel Daniel

Ah Fino, you evil temptress. Your Happy Hour does not start until 5 o'clock. Why must you tease me so?

Your flirtation begins with a gin and Pimm's No. 1 cocktail that is so unique, I don't care that it is full price. Then you slip me a juniper delight made with a pine liqueur that, for a gin drinker, is dazzling. So by your 5 o'clock bell, I'm smitten and bask in a gin-fueled glow of cherry, lemon and creme de violette. Sweet alcohol-induced victory.

And if that wasn't enough, small plates of blistered Padron peppers, sherry glazed pearl onions, grilled quail, roasted pepper empanadas and pulled pork sliders cement my crush on you.

You are a siren, luring me in, and while I wish your Happy Hour started earlier and had more tapas specials, you know I will be back.

I will be back.

Fino Restaurant Patio & Bar

2905 San Gabriel Street

Austin, Texas 78705

512.474.2905

http://www.astiaustin.com/fino/