When the moon hits your eye

Isn't there a "You might be a redneck..." joke about if you only order pizza from a place that you have the number memorized for because of a jingle? If there's not, there should be.

If you want REAL pizza, Home Slice is my FAVORITE. I love it, I love it, I love it!

I love their crust. I love their sauce. I love their toppings. I love their salad. I love their wine tumblers. I love their decor. I love that I went to college with one of the owners.

Only thing negative I can say is that I ordered cookies and milk one time for dessert and was very disappointed that the cookies were not warm, but that's it.

There is a debate in my house that Southside Flying Pizza should be crowned king. And I know I have a few new places to try too (I see you over there East Side Pies. You too Brooklyn Pie Co.!) But until then, I vote Home Slice. Pans down.

And if any of you try to talk me into the "new & improved" Domino's or that "better ingredients make better pizza", the moon won't be the only thing hitting you in the eye.

Home Slice Pizza

1415 South Congress

Austin, Texas

512.444.PIES

http://www.homeslicepizza.com/

I am gonna be so sick...

"Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for... bacon."

First course:

Red Headed Stranger - housemade bacon-infused Dripping Springs vodka (used to be Tito's), housemade bloody mary mix, garnished with a chunk of cheddar cheese, a pepperoncini, an olive... oh yeah, and a slice of bacon. It was quite possibly the best Bloody Mary I have ever had in my whole life. And I make a good Bloody Mary.

Second course:

Carolina Pork It - 100% Vienna beef dog, stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon and deep fried, topped with grilled slaw and housemade green chile pimento cheese. I thought the slaw was cut a little too thick for hot dog application and I almost forgot it had pimento cheese on it at all, but overall an excellent hot dog by anyone's standards. It was really, really good. Don't be scared of the deep fried part... it's subtle (if anything about deep frying is subtle). I also had a side of Broccoli salad, ya know, to be healthy. It was good, but the leftovers were better. That's right, I didn't eat all of my broccoli! I had to save room for the... wait for it... bacon! Also tried the Potato Salad - it was like a baked potato all mashed up and it was awesome. And not so good left over as it turns out.

Third course:

Chocolate Covered Bacon - Hickory smoked bacon dipped in milk chocolate, sprinkled with turbinado sugar and sea salt. I love salty-sweet things! I thought it was really good, if not too heavy on the chocolate. That really shouldn't surprise you.

Fourth course (because I have no idea what's good for me):

After School Special - this is from memory because 1. the description is not on the website and B. I was on a bacon bender and can not be held responsible for my actions. Vanilla vodka, Bailey's and Godiva Chocolate liquour. It was also rimmed and sprinkled with, what I can only guess, was chile powder. I had no idea how much I inhaled as I take a sip of a drink! I choked... several times mind you... on this thing. It was yummy though once I figured out how not to look like an amatuer.

And I never did feel sick. I can handle my bacon. Just not my chocolate-chile cocktails.

Frank

4th & Colorado

Austin, Texas 78701

512.494.6916

http://hotdogscoldbeer.com/

They ain't lyin'

I've recently started exercising fairly regularly and am trying to watch what I eat. So of course a recent night out included a very strict diet regime I call, "Tamales and Sausage".

Note: You really should consult your doctor before beginning any new diet. Luckily mine was there. OK, it was my dad. And he's a dermatologist. But whatever.

Floore's does a limited menu when they have a big show so the regular cafe menu that includes salads, sandwiches and chicken fried goodness is whittled down to meat, meat and meat. And no fries, just chips. Luckily this fit my new requirements. I had 6 (!) of the best tamales I've ever had in my life (and I've made home made tamales). They are the perfect combination of meat to masa and fat to spice. They are really, really good. Then I washed them down with a sausage. (I turned my nose up at the flour tortilla it was wrapped in until I saw it was smeared with the charred outside of the sausage so I had to try it. And it was worth it.) The sausages aren't too greasy and have a smokey thing going on that I really like. I declared that I wanted to make a sausage flavored lozenge as I sucked on a particularly good piece. I'd kiss snotty strangers just to get sick. Yes, I just said that. Rounded out the meal with a couple of Michelob Ultras for dessert (note to self: they make you very burpy. do not drink any more of those) and I was a very happy camper. A happy camper that couldn't get up and dance because my jeans were undone.

John T. Floore Country Store. You'll come for the tamales, you'll stay for the sausage. Oh yeah, and some pretty damn good live music.

John T. Floore Country Store

14492 Old Bandera Rd

Helotes, Texas 78023

210.695.8827

http://www.liveatfloores.com/index.html

Half not good with fractions

Half Cajun. Half TexMex. Half Southern.

And yet it all adds up.

I treated the unofficial contest winner from "Bess, I hear you callin'... " (December '09) to Red's Porch today... nothing says "Congratulations!" like a meal at a place picked solely so I can blog about it.

I was intrigued by the new math of their slogan so I went for the trifecta - a dish from each genre... sorta. See the whole menu has things that are reminiscent of the three types, but they subtly blend and morph into one type. A good type. So just go with me on this.

Mexican: Goat Cheese Jalapeno Poppers hand stuffed with roasted garlic, bacon and thyme. They may have been hand stuffed, but as far as I could tell it was only with goat cheese. It came with a fun green goddess type sauce that was almost too subtle if the pepper was too spicy. Still very good for a fried cheese stuffed treat, but I'll try something else next time. (Unofficial Contest Winner* got the South Texas Traditional Enchiladas and they were just that. Rice was different, pretty sticky, I didn't taste the beans. He said you can't hide your lack of talent in a cheese enchilada so it's his litmus test. They passed.)

Cajun: Shrimp Po-Boy with friend shrimp, red onion, lettuce, tomato and Cajun tarter sauce. Oh my. This was yummy. The shrimp was that perfect crispy fried, not the too much batter fried. Everything was super fresh and I don't know what Cajun tarter sauce really is, but it was goooood. And the fries! Good lord! I try not to eat fries; white potato + frying = bad for you. But I do like to taste them... and I tasted way more than I needed to today. Crispy outside, fluffy inside and with a spicy Parmesan something something going on. Mmmmm-mmmmm!

Southern: Fried Snickers. Funnel cake battered with powdered sugar and chocolate sauce. You can't get more white-trash than that. And I won't be getting that white-trash again. Ever.

Top it off with a local 512 brew... only because I didn't see the super-happy-fun-time drink menu... and it was quite an afternoon. It could have only been better if the weather had cooperated - their upper deck is worth being mentioned in the name.

Just don't ask them to do math.

Red's Porch

3508 South Lamar

Austin, Texas 78704

512.440.REDS

http://www.redsporch.com/

* not his real name

In the dark

I will probably not see a movie if it's not at Alamo Drafthouse. I have grown too accustomed to drinking and/or eating during a movie. Which leads to my complaint.

My most recent excursions have all been to the South Lamar location as that is closer to my house, so all these observations are geared toward them, at least for now.

1. They have started keeping the lights so damn low before the movie starts that you have to bring a G.D. flashlight to see the menu. What? Those little wuss-ass lights under the table? To put it bluntly, they suck.

2. They have no idea how to service that many people at once. I don't know if all the start times are too close together or what, but we waited 35 minutes for popcorn. For popcorn!! So unless you get there a whole hour early, you'll be eating in the dark. Have you ever eaten salad in the dark? It ain't easy.

3. The staff that cleans after the movie (and I know they have to) talk so freakin' loud that you can't enjoy the credits and/or outro music if you're into that sort of thing. Which we are. Especially when the movie you just watched was dedicated to a friend of yours that passed away. Hubby is two years away from being that guy that yells at people to shut up. Please follow your own "Don't talk during the movie or we'll take your ass out" rules!

4. As for the food, they had a new burger (The Big (Organic) One) and while it had great flavor, the meat was so overcooked it was dry and chewy. They say it will be cooked medium-well, which I completely disagree with anyway, but it was well done and I don't mean "Well Done!". Hubby's Chicken Tacos didn't come pre-assembled and didn't come until 15 minutes into the movie (see #2) and he said they were bad and he meant bad as in bad not bad as in good.

That sad part is I'm not going to stop going. In general the food is still good, I think they are working on a new staff as they transferred all the good people to The Highball and I still want to drink while I watch a movie. I'm not repeating high school when Miller and I sneaked beer into The Chateau and then accidentally kicked our empties over and had to listen to them roll down to the front of the theater.

So damn you, Drafthouse and your tasty beverages!

Alamo Drafthouse Cinema

http://www.drafthouse.com/

I've seen the Golden Light

If you think grease should be a food group, you need to go to the Golden Light.

It's the oldest restaurant in Amarillo on the historic Route 66 and on it's fifth owner, all of whom have added their own touch to the classic greasy-spoon burger joint.

One such touch is the Waller Burger: a regular cheeseburger with jalapenos between two pieces of melted cheese. Add a bun shiny with burger grease and hand-cut fries (order a small to share... trust me, it's more than enough) and you've got a meal worth working out for.

But first I'm gonna go take a nap.

Golden Light Cafe & Cantina

2908 West 6th

Amarillo, Texas 79106

806.374.9237

http://www.goldenlightcafe.com/