Mmmmmm.... pie.

Dear Lord,

When I die I want my Heaven to be clouds of the most perfect sky high meringue with pillows of whipped cream on beds of banana creme. Maybe even coconut. Or lemon. Or chocolate. I want buildings made of pecans and apples with roofs made of the flakiest, most tender crust you can create. Cherry stop lights and peanut butter sidewalks. Cars of German Chocolate. And computers made of fudge.

Please and thank you.

Amen.

Blue Bonnet Cafe

211 Hwy 281

Marble Falls, Texas 78654

830.693.2344

http://www.bluebonnetcafe.net/

Here we go 'round...

I'll make this brief.

Because this was the smallest restaurant I have ever eaten in.

We walked in and almost hit the back wall. There were only 2 tables inside (both full) and the bar. All the rest were outside (uhm... it's hot!). For some (thankful) reason, they asked the couple at the back table to move so our party of four could sit; they did. I offered to buy them a drink or dessert, but they declined. Turns out I may know why.

The little cubby that that table was in was like an echo chamber. It was so loud (thanks Sex & The City look-alikes at the bar!) that you could barely hear yourself think. It was like how you feel on a heavy decongestant, like your head is in a bowl. Very weird.

Food was good. Maybe even really good. But it's heavy on plates (what you see is what you get... I ordered meatballs. I got meatballs. That's it.). The menu is creative though and the wine list is pretty damn good. Happy Hour even includes 20% off bottles! But it's only beer and wine so don't start craving a cocktail.

Dessert was a hit as you can tell. Butterscotch creme brulee. Yum! And Nicole was one of the best servers I have had in a LONG time. And I eat out A LOT!. Please ask for her.

Worth a casual visit. Not set up to be your "go to" place I think, but it's perfect for what it is: a wine bar below a condo in downtown Austin.

Just don't go looking for the dining room. Because you're in it.

Mulberry

360 Nueces Street

Austin, Texas

52.320.0297

http://www.mulberryaustin.com/

Going off to Hill's on a Gravy Train

Gravy.

Is there a better word in the English language?

Literally, it means flour and fat blended together to add texture and flavor. Figuratively, it means extra benefits or unexpected gain. It's really a perfect word.

Reminds me of a time in college. (Yes... I actually remember a few things from college.) We were doing a show that called for fried rattle snake meat. So every afternoon, I'd go get a Family Size Tender Meal Deal from Golden Fried Chicken (which we called Goldenmafried. Don't ask me why.). The tenders and potatoes would go on stage, but the vat of gravy stayed in the green room. Where I was. With a spoon. Eating it like soup.

I love gravy.

I also loved the chicken fried steak that little d and I shared at Hill's today. It was one of the best I've ever had - good meat, breading not too heavy, thick gravy. You get your choice of yellow or white gravy. We didn't specify and got yellow. Not sure what makes yellow gravy yellow. (Note to self, Google yellow gravy...) Sides included mashed potatoes (good, not amazing), corn casserole (lots of corn bready stuff, not enough actual corn), tomato pie (is it like quiche? no. is it like pizza? no. is it like an open faced grilled cheese and tomato sandwich? no.) and fries (yummy!). Z had a classic cheese burger (voted one of the best in Austin and I heartily concur) and C had chicken tenders as big as his face. Throw in sweet tea in mason jars and you've got yourself a right nice lunch.

And that makes the rest of the day gravy.

Hill's Cafe

4700 S. Congress Ave.

Austin, Texas

512.851.9300

http://www.hillscafe.com/index.html

In the name of science

Happy Hour last Friday at Peche, lunch today at The Belmont - doing research for my upcoming birthday party!

Peche

It's where Malaga used to be so it feels familiar even though it's decorated totally different. It's now an absinthe bar and they pretty much flat out said you can't order a vodka tonic. Their drink menu is AWESOME and the closest I've seen to the mixology in NYC. If they chipped their own ice, I'd move in. Had the Pork Belly appetizer, because, well, come on! It's PORK BELLY! A little too dry on the outside for me, but was still very tasty. It came with mostarda, which I wish they had explained. I expected mustard and got fruit. Turns out it's like candied fruit in a mustard sauce and it's very, very good. Had a French 75 (gin, lemon and champagne) and an Aviation (gin, lemon, maraschino liqueur and creme de violette), both of which I'd had before, but I was letting Ace (yes, that's his real name) decide. He's a good man. Met just about everyone including the owner. Great, great place.

The Belmont

I'm sure this place looks fabulous at night, but in the daytime it's the tiniest bit worn looking. Not that I'm not holding that against her; I'm the same way. For an appetizer, I had a French 77 (St. Germaine Elderflower liqueur, lemon and champagne). It had lots of ice chips. I love ice chips. Followed it up with a Grilled Portobello and Brie Panini with basil pesto, arugula and roasted peppers and a side salad. All very yummy. Rounded it out with the Bourbon Pecan Cheesecake with raspberry and caramel sauce... sticky, gooey, almost flavorless and topped with what couldn't possible be Cool-Whip, could it?! Very disappointing. For the first time almost ever, when asked "How was it?", I replied, "Weeellll..." and she offered to get me something else. Very sweet, but no need - I don't "need" dessert at all. Then she went and took it off my bill anyway. She also called me "Darlin' " about 100 times. Something a little disconcerting about a girl half your age calling you "darlin' ". Unless I was a man. Which I am not. I drink French 77s.

I may have been comparing apples to oranges. Different times of day, didn't try the same kinds of things, different vibes to begin with. It's not fair to pick a favorite. So much for independent variables, controls and constants. I'd make a lousy scientist.

But hey, if I knew what I was doing, it wouldn't be called research, would it?

Peche

208 W. 4th St.

Austin, Texas 78701

512.495.9669

http://www.pecheaustin.com/

The Belmont

305 West Sixth Street

Austin, Texas 78701

512.457.0300

http://www.thebelmontaustin.com/

Before and After

That was before.

This was after.

I absolutely friggin' love Celia's in Amarillo, Texas. I have no idea what they do that makes me love their food. Is it the best I've ever had? Probably not. Is it fancy? Nope. Is it magically delicious? Hell to the yes!

I do know they put oregano in their taco sauce, which to me looked like salsa, but either way was fantastic.

It's the kind of place that has regulars, it's the kind of place that if they say 20 minutes for take-out, it's 40, it's the kind of place that may get a demerit or two on their health inspection.

It's also the kind of place that doesn't make you feel bad for cleaning your plate. And that's my kind of place.

Celia's Cocina

2917 SW 6th Avenue

Amarillo, Texas 79106

806.322.0375

http://www.celiascocina.com/index.html

Y? Because we like you!

We're not crazy about your hostess, but we like you!

The good outweighed the bad first impression the older hostess? manager? lady? gave us on our inaugural visit to Jack Allen's Kitchen. I only point out that she was older to differentiate her from the younger lady that took us to our table and was very nice. The older one... well, my exact words were, "She's a bitch." And I'll leave it at that.

What I won't leave is the Smashed Guacamole with pumpkin seeds, cojita cheese and house-fried chips. I'm glad avocado has the good kind of fat because I stuffed myself with it. I obviously wasn't too stuffed to also enjoy the Baja Style Fish Tacos and the Texas Gulf Blue Crab Gratin. Or the Chocolate Bombe. Or any of the three kinds of mojitos I tried.

Started by a team from Z'Tejas, in a totally redesigned building, using fresh and local ingredients, Southwest Austin is blessed to have this gem right off The Y at Oak Hill.

Just tell that lady at the front door to smile.

Jack Allen's Kitchen

7720 Highway 71 West

Austin, Texas 78735

512.852.8558

http://www.jackallenskitchen.com/index.html

Good. Lord.

I may have died and gone to heaven last night.

It was my second visit to Max's Wine Dive and it only confirmed what a crazy good restaurant it is. CRAZY GOOD!

First time I went I had the blue cheese chips (OMG), fried chicken (what the heck have I been eating all these years?!) and New Orleans bread pudding (could not stop eating it!). Zilla had the pot roast (mouth-watering) and shared my appy and dessert, lest you think I ate all that myself. Although I could have. Watch me.

Last night, after a film fest and a Guinness, we needed sustenance and were mere blocks away from Max's. How convenient! We pored over the menu and I tell you what, every. single. thing looked delectable. We settled on: the Yama Kobe beef burger for me (#16 on Texas Monthly's list and way higher on mine), the Fried Egg Sandwich for Wonderhands (good god almighty) and the Drunk Bread for Nay-Nay (simply divine).

In a nutshell:

Burger - perfect beefy goodness, you taste every layer of flavor, nothing overwhelms (except the spicy-ass ketchup for the fries! Wow! Hot!), it was a fantastic, upscale, yet basic, burger.

Sandwich - bacon and eggs on a whole new level; homey and delicious.

Drunk Bread - like a lazy man's fondue - no dipping required! the wine and Gruyere were up front and personal... I loved it.

And I didn't even mention the Tres Fritos we started with - fried green tomatoes, pickles and okra... mmmm... fried okra... mmmm...

I absolutely adore this restaurant and I hope no one reads this and spreads the word so it gets so busy I can't get in anytime I want. In fact, forget everything you just read - "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

Move along you looky-loos, there's nothing to see here!

Max's Wine Dive

207 San Jacinto Avenue

Austin, Texas 78701

512.904.0106

http://www.maxswinedive.com/austin/index.php

Expect Mole. Pagas Less.

What do you do when you want Mexican but don't want to get too far off the highway? Stop by a place next to a Target.

Azul Tequila has been around about 9 years, has an extensive tequila/margarita list, make 99% of the food from scratch (all except the flour tortillas - I asked) and are the only ones that make Chili Relleno en Almendra - poblano pepper stuffed with sauteed picadillo blended with almonds, raisins, tomatoes and onions topped with almond cream sauce - right... at least according to my waiter.

So one Mexican Martini later, I had a pretty good time. I want to go back. Maybe it didn't blow my mind, but it didn't blow my budget and it satisfied my craving.

And I need some things at Target.

Azul Tequila

4211 S. Lamar Blvd.

Austin, Texas 78704

512.416.9667

http://www.azultequila.com/index.php

Perla's before swine...

What started as an "oh, let's try this place" turned into an "oh my goodness!" last night.

Hubby blissed out on a half dozen mixed raw oysters from the Cold Bar, I licked the plate of the Crab Louie & Cornmeal Fried Green Tomatoes with Russian Dressing that I was talked into by our waiter (thanks Matt!), we both enjoyed our salads (Iceberg Wedge with Texas Lump Crab and Roasted Fennel Waldorf, respectively) and we just about wet our pants over Hubby's Steamed Alaskan Halibut and my Pan Roasted Grouper with English Peas, Baby Carrots, House Cured Bacon and Parsley Butter. Start and end that with a great cocktail, add wine in the middle and you have yourself a very special night. I may have just found my new favorite fancy food place.

"Give not that which is pan roasted unto the dogs, neither cast ye your peas before swine, lest they trample them under parsley butter, and turn again and house cure you."

Perla's Seafood & Oyster Bar

1400 S. Congress Ave.

Austin, Texas 78704

512.291.7300

http://perlasaustin.com/

I'm not blaving...

"Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT: a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that."

- Miracle Max, The Princess Bride

I was killing time before Hubby's dry cleaning was ready so I grabbed a bite for lunch. Trying not to eat too much meat... cheese sandwich sounds boring, not sure I want a salad, wrap sounds weird, what's this? a prosciutto, mozzarella, lettuce and tomato sandwich on a baguette with pesto mayonnaise? With a side salad?! Well, OK!

It was perfect. Like what you'd make at home except... you didn't have to. Super fresh and just enough of everything. It was awesome.

As for the true love thing... you're on your own.

Galaxy Cafe

three locations - I was in South Austin on Brodie

http://www.galaxycafeaustin.com/

In the dark

I will probably not see a movie if it's not at Alamo Drafthouse. I have grown too accustomed to drinking and/or eating during a movie. Which leads to my complaint.

My most recent excursions have all been to the South Lamar location as that is closer to my house, so all these observations are geared toward them, at least for now.

1. They have started keeping the lights so damn low before the movie starts that you have to bring a G.D. flashlight to see the menu. What? Those little wuss-ass lights under the table? To put it bluntly, they suck.

2. They have no idea how to service that many people at once. I don't know if all the start times are too close together or what, but we waited 35 minutes for popcorn. For popcorn!! So unless you get there a whole hour early, you'll be eating in the dark. Have you ever eaten salad in the dark? It ain't easy.

3. The staff that cleans after the movie (and I know they have to) talk so freakin' loud that you can't enjoy the credits and/or outro music if you're into that sort of thing. Which we are. Especially when the movie you just watched was dedicated to a friend of yours that passed away. Hubby is two years away from being that guy that yells at people to shut up. Please follow your own "Don't talk during the movie or we'll take your ass out" rules!

4. As for the food, they had a new burger (The Big (Organic) One) and while it had great flavor, the meat was so overcooked it was dry and chewy. They say it will be cooked medium-well, which I completely disagree with anyway, but it was well done and I don't mean "Well Done!". Hubby's Chicken Tacos didn't come pre-assembled and didn't come until 15 minutes into the movie (see #2) and he said they were bad and he meant bad as in bad not bad as in good.

That sad part is I'm not going to stop going. In general the food is still good, I think they are working on a new staff as they transferred all the good people to The Highball and I still want to drink while I watch a movie. I'm not repeating high school when Miller and I sneaked beer into The Chateau and then accidentally kicked our empties over and had to listen to them roll down to the front of the theater.

So damn you, Drafthouse and your tasty beverages!

Alamo Drafthouse Cinema

http://www.drafthouse.com/

Oh, brother...

Don't bother.

Baker Bros American Deli

http://www.bakerbrosdeli.com/

Previously on 24...

The following takes place between 11pm and 1am.

11:01pm

Group of seven walks into Annie's for an after-show snack... and a drink. They close at midnight so all seems well, a few people at the bar, cute server, cute place.

11:17pm

Website never said when Late Night Menu kicks in, but that's what is available. Very limited, but doable, Late Night Menu with no descriptions of the food although it's all fairly self explanatory. Cocktail menu looks interesting, albeit some odd choices. The Monkey Gland?! We place our orders and open presents!

11:25pm

Receive a Glenfiddich, when we ordered a Glenlivet.

11:41pm

Start to wonder where our food is. There are only three other couples in the restaurant: one was already eating, one only drinking and the one that came in after us has received their burgers.

11:55pm

Look around and see chef putting pizzas in the oven. At 11:55pm! For the first time, server comes over and says it will just be a little longer, "the pizzas take awhile". She offers to bring out what's ready. Well, duh!

12:04am

Brings out Margarita Pizzas. Decent pizza, good crust.

12:07am

Brings out Bacon Blue Burger. Immediately ask for a to-go box as it is... time to go.

12:09am

Brings out Truffle Fries. Sprinkled with Parmesan and drizzled with truffle oil. Continuously stuff in mouth as they are delicious.

12:12am

Brings out Sausage, Fontina and Oregano Pizza. Sausage is sorta like hamburger, but a little sausagier.

12:16am

Brings out Antipasto Salads. One full hour after we'd ordered them. One. Full. Hour. Good salad, crispy lettuce, was supposed to have more than one kind of meat, but didn't... not worth the wait though. THE ONE HOUR WAIT!

12:25am

Server brings complimentary brownies to placate the situation (way, way too late), followed by muffins to take home. Brownies are just OK. Have not had said muffins yet. Order a Stella.

12:30am

Group fights over check as it's a birthday dinner. Did I mention it was a birthday dinner?!?!

12:40am

Server brings back check, that she has already rung up, with the wine on it that she forgot on the first check. Officially cancel Stella that never came.

12:47am

Over tip. Food delay not really her fault, possibly the fault of the one chef cooking one thing at a time, while she does closing prep or lean on the counter talking to him. What should not have been rewarded was her complete lack of skill in handling a bad situation. No explanation of what was a ridiculous amount of a delay on a late night menu that is supposed to be fast and easy. Brownies don't excuse bad service.

12:51am

Grab coats. Walk out.

Stay tuned for scenes from next week's episode where we decide if we'll ever go back.

Annie's Cafe & Bar

319 Congress

Austin, Texas 78701

512.472.1884

http://www.anniescafebar.com/appleannies/contact.html

La Condesa - Update

So I asked the manager what the sauce was on my Shiner beer braised short ribs and he said, "Oh, just the braising liquid", which to me, meant melted animal fat.

I then proceeded to dab it behind both ears like perfume.

La Condesa

400A West 2nd Street

Austin, Texas 78701

512.499.0300

http://www.lacondesaaustin.com/index.html

Bess, I hear you callin'...

I'll buy lunch for the first person that can name the real song from the title!

Had lunch with Cheetah. And a glass of wine. The world is full of surprises.

I have decided that the salad industry is at a standstill. I don't want to see another Wedge, I don't want to see another goat cheese and pecan on mixed greens, no more balsamic vinaigrette, you can have your Greek, your Taco and your plain Dinner. Where are the salad chefs?! Is there such a thing?! Well, we need them!

Then a simple plate of loveliness showed up. Herb Spring mix with walnuts and blueberries and a yummy vinaigrette (raspberry-basil to be exact and it's deliciously subtle). I don't even like blueberries, but the fact that they used them was exciting to me. And the good ol' walnut?! It's the king of nuts! It wasn't even on the lunch menu, but we asked for a dinner-type salad and this was the option - big enough to split. And it just may have restored my faith in salad.

I had the Mushroom Crepes, but compared to Cheetah's Chicken Pot Pie, they were boring. They weren't really - they just weren't... chicken pot pie. How we passed up the Bacon-wrapped Meatloaf, I will never know. What we didn't pass up was the Challah Bread Pudding with Chocolate Ganache. You had Cheetah at Ganache. And I just like saying pudding.

Super cute server, but she was a tad weak at the end (didn't clear bread basket and/or bread plates before dessert... or at all... and I had to ask for a refill on coffee), I still tipped well (which is fodder for a whole post in and of itself). Anyway, not the end of the world.

What will be the end of the world is if no one can name the song in the title.

BESS Bistro on Pecan

500 West 6th Street

Austin, Texas 78701

512.477.BESS (2377)

http://www.bessbistro.com/

Pictures? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Pictures!

Here's my side of the conversation this afternoon at Z' Tejas:

"Water for right now."

"No, we're OK."

"I think we know. Mom, you go first!"

"I'll have the Chicken, Artichoke and Mushroom Stack. Oh and a glass of the Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc."

"Cute cornbread thing."

"We ate here together before? Was I hungover?"

"That looks good!"

"Crap! I meant to order double vegetables instead of mashed potatoes!"

"Glad this is a soy-mustard sauce so I can pretend it's not fattening."

"Why is zucchini ALWAYS a seasonal vegetable?" (Although to be honest, I said this to myself, in my head.)

"Mmmm."

"What's the cobbler?"

"Yes, with two spoons and another glass of wine."

"Wow - it's bubbling!"

"Is that my water?!"

"Mmmm."

"No, my treat. You're a cheap date. My wine was $11 a glass!"

"Crap! I forgot to take a picture!" (Although to be honest again, I said this to myself too, in my head.)

I know you are shocked at what a scintillating conversationalist I am. What it boils down to is that I cleaned my plate and barely came up for air.

Z' Tejas 6th Street

1110 W. 6th St.

Austin, Texas 78703

512.478.5355

http://www.ztejas.com/index.html

Nutty Brown - Update

It's still good.

The Highball

There's a new place down south to wet your whistle. And eat. And sing karaoke. And bowl.

The Highball: I've been twice now - once for a drink and once to bowl...and drink. The Heirloom, The 10 Pin and The Glacier are just a few of the interesting choices. All very good, but I gotta tell ya, I'm cravin' another Heirloom. It's like gazpacho in a glass. Be sure and ask for Alyssa at the bar!

Bowling was fun, the lanes are super cool and the personal ball service is a nice touch. It was alittle warm last night though and they didn't turn on any music until after 6 (we'd been there since 4:30). It's old fashioned-pencil and paper scoring... "I was told there would be no math"! We didn't brave the karaoke rooms - although they are the private kind for those shy extroverts. If there is such a thing.

The onion rings with house-made ketchup were yummy and I thought the BLT Chicken Salad Finger Sandwiches were good - very different - but The Hubby didn't think so. I'm looking forward to trying the entrees. And the rest of the cocktails!

Definitely worth a looky-loo! And I double-dog dare you not to make any Big Lebowski references. It took everything I had not to say, "This is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules!" Aw, dang! I just said it!

The Highball

1142 South Lamar Blvd.

Austin, Texas 78704

512.383.8309

http://www.thehighball.com/

Under the Neon Cowboy

I had just about given up on turkey when this deliciousness showed up.

It's a Sourdough Stack at Nutty Brown Cafe - thinly sliced turkey breast, Swiss cheese and grilled onions on grilled sourdough bread. Add jalapeno creamed spinach and viola!, turkey sandwiches are back in my life.

The Hubby loves the burgers and the chicken fried steak is as big as your head. They have a huge menu - the kind that might make you doubt they can do any of it well, but so far so good!!

They have a full bar (ask for Dusty!), Sunday Brunch buffet, Kid's Night on Tuesdays, a parrot named Cheeto and live music out back several nights a week. It's kind of a one-stop-shop!

If you have ever driven by their spinning neon cowboy sign and thought, "I've always wanted to try that place", I suggest you do. In fact... I think I'm going there for dinner tonight!

Maybe I'll see you there.

Nutty Brown Cafe & Amphitheatre

12225 Hwy 290 West

Austin, Texas 78737

512.301.4648

http://www.nuttybrown.com/

Give me your tired, your hungry, your unwashed massess...

What does it say about me that I was more excited to go to the Austin City Limits Music Festival to eat the food than hear the music?!?!

The football field-sized line up of over 30 food, drink and dessert vendors was like manna from heaven to me. What to choose, what to choose?! I tried to pick a place where The Hubby and Dr. Rock would like to eat (Dr. Rock is a little picky...) so I went with Aquarelle where they had a Steak Frit Sandwich and I had a Spicy Shrimp Po'boy.

You heard me. A Steak Frit Sandwich and a Spicy Shrimp Po'boy. At a music festival. Only in Austin. Thank you Aquarelle!

The shrimp were hot and crispy, the roll was soft and chewy and the slaw was cool and creamy. Only slightly spicy, but still very, very good. I only ate half the bread (gotta watch the white flour!) and I could tell the carrots were bagged and pre-shredded (are you gonna shred carrots for 225, 000 people? I think not.), but I was licking my fingers and I did not share.

Speaking of sharing, I grabbed a piece of The Hubby's steak off his plate, to which he said "That's the piece I picked up off the ground; I hope it was from my sandwich". That will teach me to snatch without asking. Lesson learned.

But three days of unwashed masses can't be wrong. That food was good.

Aquarelle Restaurant Francais & Wine Bar

606 Rio Grande St.

Austin, Texas 78701

512.479.8117

http://www.aquarellerestaurant.com/